Filling the gap
by Novai
Summary: When Isabella's teasing goes too far, she finds herself about to be at the receiving end of a very angry Hawke. The subject in question? Fenris of course.
1. Chapter 1

***Spoiler Warning***A short story I compiled when I finished Dragon age 2. My Hawke romanced Fenris and after their first night together, he up and left her! And after, he acts like nothing happens when you talk too him in party or even when you give him gifts :( this made me Sad Panda, So I decided I would write a filler for the obvious plot hole between that night and when you continue on your journey kicking ass. Thanks for reading!(Some grammar mistakes fixed...apologies English is my second language)Thanks so much for the reviews, I appreciate you taking the time too contribute your input. I am writing a continuation on this, will update as soon as it's done.

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Laughing at the silly banter being tossed across the table between her friends, Evaine Hawke, thought to herself, realizing she hadn't really smiled in a while. It was nice to just laugh and feel a little lighter. Even if the moment passed soon after. She tried to pay attention to the light hearted conversation but soon was pulled back into her own thoughts. Hawke stared into her half empty cup of ale, only mildly aware of her companions chattering around her. Varric was playing wicked grace with Isabella, Anders and Merrill.

Hawke was lost in her own musings, mulling over what had transpired last week. Varric was telling Isabella the story of the Magister they had taken down in the slaver caverns, with all the embellishments that Varric was known for. It wasn't till he got to the part where he mentioned Fenris' outburst after killing Hadriana however, that she was pulled from her reverie and payed attention to what Varric was saying. The mention of his name was like someone had just stabbed her and twisted the knife in her chest. It was so painful she almost physically buckled in her chair. She resisted the urge to let it show, they might be her friends but they didn't need to know every detail of her personal life. Especially this.

"Speaking of which" Isabella said turning to Hawke. " Any reason your Elven playmate couldn't join us? I dare say, I haven't seen him around you lately. I was starting to think you were inseparable. " Hawke hid the tension she was feeling from Isabella's prodding behind her usual uncaring nature. She just lifted her head too meet her gaze with a nonchalance and put her chin on her palm pulling a pouting face.

"No reason I know of, I was as surprised as you are at the fact he wasn't here." Hawke shot he a glare. "And he is NOT my playmate..." Isabella smiled at Hawke with curious eyes and shrugged.

"Whatever you say sweet thing..." Hawke was struggling with the inner turmoil in her chest at that moment. Isabella's constant fishing for gossip about her personal life was annoying at the best of times and down right rage inducing all the rest. Hawke had resolved that she would not talk about what happened. Fenris didn't need any more scrutiny from everyone, no need to add too the smart comments. And she could handle her own personal life without their opinions. She should have stayed home she thought, or taken a job to clear the gangs out tonight. She regarded Isabella with a weary gaze. She regretted letting Varric drag her out. All she wanted was too relax and not think about anything. She sensed Isabella wasn't finished talking though and was uncomfortably aware that everyone was listening in to their conversation. Also acutely aware that her mood was starting to sour fast.

"So if he's not your 'playmate'... then?" Hawke then tipped her head back and finished her drink.

"Why does it sound like you are asking my permission Isabella? It's never stopped you before. Fenris doesn't belong too anyone...least of all me" Isabella wasn't even phased and just looked expectantly at her as Hawke got up and turned to leave, but then Isabella opened her mouth again.

"So now that you have had your fun... He's fair game then?" Something inside Evaine physically snapped and sent her blood to boil. She turned back too Isabella ever so slowly and as she did so the air became very still, heavy and charged with electricity. This sent everyone on edge, Varric immediately warned Isabella to back off. He knew Hawke was threatening violence as she glared back at them. As this was taking place, Fenris stood behind the door listening to their conversation.

"He is not an animal, a prize or a piece of meat Isabella! And just try to imply that I'm a slattern like you again, and you will not enjoy my reaction." Anguish threatened to spill into her voice as she spat the words at her. But she managed too keep her composure.

Guilt started to gnaw at Fenris again. But the sudden flare of magic in the air made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end, realizing something bad was about to happen on the other side of the door, he quickly went too open it.

Hawke went too leave before she lost her temper at Isabella and inadvertently set something she would miss on fire. The door suddenly opened just as she let the tension in the air settle , she stopped in her tracks as she came face to face with the last person she wanted too see right now.

Briefly, Fenris saw her anger turn too surprise, and then pain as she realized he was standing in front of her. She gave him a weak smile.

"Night Fenris" and strode past him. He looked back at the table where everyone was staring gobsmacked at what had just happened and then opted too leave and go after Hawke, not willing too face the inevitable probing the rest were undoubtedly going to give him. He turned to leave then Varric scoffed

"I do believe Revaini, she was about to set your fun bits on fire" Isabella looked a little ruffled.

"You know...I think you are right, but it was totally worth it" Isabella grinned.

Hawke's mind was reeling, what in the Maker's name was Fenris doing there? She already knew he probably heard everything she said, how her jealousy and protectiveness flared and threatened to take over. She stepped from the Hanged man out into the streets after wrapping her cloak around her, Artemis her customized staff was retracted and placed on her back. Artemis extended too a full length staff when she needed it. And she had some melee prowess when it came too the business end of the blade. She didn't need to announce too every templar she came across that she was a mage, just because of a staff she carried.

" Hawke" She turned around and tensed as she realized Fenris was leaving the Hanged man and following her. She really didn't want to see him right now...

"Go back and play wicked grace with everyone Fenris, I am just heading home..." Fenris gently took her elbow to stop her from leaving.

"Wait...at least let me see you home then." Hawke sighed and nodded.

They walked in silence back to her estate, she was still seething with anger at Isabella and she was sure Fenris was stewing in his own self hatred. How he loved his self deprecation. When they reached her estate, Fenris turned to look at her.

"What was that all about in the Hangedman? I felt your magic when I was about to enter the room." He asked with a guarded expression. She looked at him curious then embarrassed.

" You mean you didn't hear the whole thing?" Fenris shook his head. Hawke huffed and felt her anger grow impotent when she looked into Fenris' eyes, her chest tightened and she fought the urge to grab at the sharp pain she felt.

"Isabella was probing me for information, asking why you haven't been with me for the past week" Fenris looked down avoiding her eyes.

"I decided that whatever happened between us, would remain private, because I didn't want to add too any tension in our group, it's none of their business anyways... So when I refused to give that harlot anything, she implied that I was like her... now that I had my fun with you, she said you would be 'fair game'." Hawke scoffed.

"Naturally I got angry and was about to electrocute her into a drooling mess, I let the magic rise as if I were about to cast the spell as a threat...One that I'm not sure was just a bluff to be honest. The nerve of her! She couldn't honestly think I am anything like her!? I'm not so loose in my morals that I can sleep with someone I don't love, not to mention I haven't taken any lovers since I got too ...Kirkwall" Hawke got so carried away she said these words before she could stop herself. She felt her cheeks burn and looked down embarrassed at her lack of restraint. She really didn't need to tell him that. It was like she just admitted that she had been nurturing these feelings for him for the past 3 years.

Fenris just stared at her in disbelief, feeling even more guilty and angry at himself, she had chosen him to be with, him of all people. It was plainly obvious too him that she didn't just sleep around, with all the propositions he has seen her get and turn down. She was beautiful and alluring, witty and intelligent. She deserved someone better than him. He wanted too tell her how he felt but his voice caught in his throat.

"Hawke...I" She cut him off with her hand held up, and said softly.

"Fenris, you don't have to do that. I..." pain crossing her face "You weren't ready, and I took advantage of your emotional state and let my feelings for you cloud my judgment..." Fenris couldn't believe what he was hearing, she blamed herself?

"Hawke this isn't-" She cut him off again.

"I understand that...you have your own issues to work out. So I will give you as much space as you need, and I will not mention this again"

The pain in her chest was so bad she could barely breathe. She took the red scarf she wore with her armor and tore a length off it, she took his gauntleted hand and tied it to his wrist gently careful not to touch his skin. She fought the lump in her throat. Fenris was stunned he didn't know what to do, or say anymore.

"And if...you want to leave, I won't try to stop you...I just...want you to be happy Fenris. Just know what I told you that night hasn't changed" She turned and opened the door and gave him a smile

"Thank you for walking me home, Goodnight" She then closed the door behind her.

Fenris stood there looking at the door, not really sure whether he wanted to go home just yet

" I love you Fenris" rang in his ears, the words she whispered too him that night they spent together, the words he couldn't bring himself to say too her out of fear. He hated himself and he was frustrated that she understood him so well. He thought it would be better if she was angry with him, or hated him. But she told him she loved him despite what he did and understood him. Even when she looked like she was in so much pain, she said he could leave, that he could go if he wanted to. She wanted him to be happy. He didn't deserve her he thought, bitterly. He looked down at the cloth she tied around his wrist. He sighed heavily and strode back too his mansion, fully aware he would not be getting sleep yet again.

Hawke stood in front of her front door for a moment to gather her thoughts. She managed to avoid bursting into tears by sheer force of will in front of Fenris. She had said what needed to be said. She made her way too her bedchamber and as soon as she closed the door she slid down and dropped to the floor, letting go of the tears she had fought to keep back. No more eyes to watch her, she could allow herself to cry. She pulled her legs into her chest and laid her head on her knees, letting herself be overwhelmed by the gaping hole that was left in her chest. Her body shook as she sobbed. Maker, she felt so pathetic. She loved him, so much that her aching heart didn't stop her from telling him he was free to leave if he chose to. She hoped he wouldn't, that really would send her over the edge. She recalled a saying she heard back in Lothering when she was younger. Something an elderly lady said about if you love something, set it free. She couldn't remember the rest though, she vaguely recalled thinking that the old bat was full of shit. She cried until she was exhausted, and fell asleep on the floor.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for being patient everyone! This story is set just before Black powder Courtesy Quest, Chronologically. I intend to use some major and minor quests to help the story along. I will update as soon as I am done with the next chapter.

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The sound of thunder and heavy rain roused Hawke in the small hours of the morning. Disoriented from her restless, uncomfortable sleep on the floor. She panicked when she didn't know where she was in the dark. As she opened her eyes and adjusted to the darkness she realized she was on her floor. She was still exhausted and not at all rested. She sat up and rubbed her stiff neck, she quickly dressed in her night clothes and moved over to her bed. Climbed in her blankets and rolled on her back, now awake enough to be aware of her memories of yesterday.

She glanced at her window realizing she didn't close the curtains. Outside was still dark and the sheets of rain hammering down on her roof didn't show any sign of relenting. At least she had an excuse for not going out today. Getting comfortable in her bed she let out a loud sigh.

"So what now?" She asked herself. She pondered about what she said to Fenris. She was satisfied that she told him what needed to be said. She admitted to a lot of things to him yesterday. She felt vulnerable, because during the whole time they were together he never once told her if he felt the same. She hated not knowing where she stood with everyone. Especially someone so close to her heart. She usually made sure she knew she wasn't misinterpreting things with her friends, but with Fenris, she was afraid to push him. She didn't want to alienate him. The last thing she wanted to do was to be the cause of him leaving.

Contemplating her current situation, she realized she would be seeing him often. So she would have to try and make the atmosphere as light as possible. Aveline was so busy with being captain of the guard she didn't have time to go with her. She needed someone with Fenris's skills out in front, so the beasties didn't chew her face off while she was casting. It was painfully obvious what she would have to do, which just added to her now sullen mood. Did it even mean anything to him? She wondered, fighting back the emotion starting to rise. That question had been torturing her relentlessly, turning over every tiny detail 50 times trying to discover exactly what he felt for her. His restraint on his emotions and facial expressions were entirely too practiced for her liking. Realizing she was over thinking and starting to analyze again. She let out a frustrated grunt, turned on her side and closed her eyes. Trying to will away the images of him in her head.

It felt like she just got to sleep when she heard a knock on the door. She groaned, her whole body protesting at the interruption of her rest.

"If you are not on fire, bleeding to death, or dying of the plague, then go away." She curled in on herself and buried her face in her pillow.

"My apologies messere, a message came for you. The messenger said it was rather urgent and couldn't wait" It was Bodahn. She lifted her head enough to see that it was barely day break, and it was still pouring with rain. She then sat up and scrubbed her face.

"It's ok Bodahn, come in. I just didn't get enough sleep last night is all."

Bodahn looked at her with concern as he entered her bed chamber. She was paler than usual with puffy eyes and had a sullen look on her face. She did look rather terrible this morning he thought to himself. He handed her the message.

"I'll have Orana brew some tea and make some breakfast for you messere. I'll bring it up to your room when she is done." Grateful for Bodahn's initiative she smiled and thanked him.

She opened the message, her eyes grew wide when she saw it was a message from the Viscount. Important indeed, she mused.

After she made herself presentable and finished her breakfast she went to see the Viscount as fast as her legs could carry her. She was requested by name, to meet with him alone.

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"What do you mean she's not here?" Anders said with a frown on his face. Looking down at the dwarf.

"It's as I said, she left early this morning when a messenger arrived with an urgent message for her. She mentioned the Viscount just before she left." Bodahn shrugged.

Anders was soaked from the rain, he had resolved that he would subtly try to talk to her what happened last night, while delivering the latest edit of his manifesto. He wasn't pleased that she left so early without at least one other person to escort her. What if she was attacked?

"Ok, do you know when she will be back?" Bodahn shook his head. Looking back and acknowledging someone from behind him.

"Bodahn, I will be out for the rest of the day. If you see my daughter please tell her I will be home later tonight." Came Leandra's voice as she strolled past Bodahn to the door. She was dressed in fine attire. She looked at the mage and gave him a courtesy nod.

"Anders" She said more acknowledging his presence than a greeting. Anders bowed his head.

"Good to see you Lady Amell" He greeted her formally.

Anders wasn't sure if he should wait for her outside the Viscount's keep, he wanted to but hesitated. Whatever her business with the Viscount was, must have been urgent.

He hadn't really spent much time with her alone since the arrival of the broody elf. They exchanged some harmless flirting when they first met, but before anything could happen he made a critical error. By thinking that Hawke would be susceptible to manipulation. He told her that it wouldn't work and that he would only hurt her...thinking she would protest and confess her interest in him to keep him from rejecting her. It was a mistake to try that so soon. They barely knew each other, so it shouldn't have hurt as much as it did when she just took his rejection in her stride. Not long after that, before he could correct this grave error in judgment, she met Fenris.

He couldn't fathom why she would keep such a hostile person around who obviously despised every mage he layed eyes on. She's a mage herself! And after that outburst last night, he was sure that something bigger was going on beneath the surface. They spent a lot of time together in the past enough to make it obvious she had feelings for him and that fact alone made him taste bile.

He wanted to hear it from her own mouth, instead of dreaming up assumptions. Although it seemed yet again he missed his chance. He would have to ask her about it later.

He turned on his heel and walked back down to his clinic. If she needed his help she knew where to find him.

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Leaving the Viscount's office Hawke felt awfully ill. The Viscount stated that the Arishok had requested her by name, that he would only deal with her. She felt her feet turn to lead as she walked back to high town. The Maker had a very cruel sense of humor she thought. Based on the fact that she understood very little about quinari culture, she **had **to go get Fenris. She hadn't planned on visiting him so soon but this couldn't wait. If the Arishok calls, there is usually a good reason for it. And it was not wise to keep him waiting. Evaine knew that much. She swallowed hard and tried to mentally stomp on the butterflies now fluttering in her stomach.

By the time she got to his mansion, she was so unreasonably nervous she felt a powerful urge to turn around and flee. To just take her chances with the Arishok without him. Her heart was pounding in her throat. She wasn't even sure he was home, the window usually glowing orange from the fire was dark. She pushed the heavy door open, she cringed when it creaked on it's hinges. Not entirely sure why she was trying to be quiet. She walked across the foyer, and up the stairs. She slowed when she saw the mess of newly destroyed furniture. She felt her stomach flip, her irrational thoughts had reasoned that someone may have attacked him. So she swiftly closed the distance to the room he usually used and tore open the door.

"Fenris?!" She yelled, She froze abruptly when all she saw was a stunned shirtless Fenris tying up his leggings. She could feel the heat rise up her neck fast and setting her cheeks ablaze.

"Is there something I can do for you Hawke?" Fenris asked casually, as if un-phased by her sudden appearance. Her eyes lingered a little too long on the beautiful sight in front of her, this was no time to be staring she told herself. She sputtered and turned around abruptly.

"Sorry, I...um...saw the destroyed furniture and thought you had been attacked ...so I ...panicked. I really didn't mean to barge in like that." She stood there feeling extremely embarrassed and awkward. So much for making the mood as light as possible...

There was a moment of silence, Fenris wasn't sure what his reaction should be. He could be offended at her interruption but her reaction after realizing that her concern was misplaced, was priceless. Trying to keep his amusement from showing on his face, he slipped on the rest of his armor. He felt rather elated from the sudden relief of tension in the air. Given the evidence outside, of his rather violent drunken rage at inanimate objects last night. He was pleased to see her ...if not a little confused. He had worried about how things would be after her impromptu confession last night and felt more than just a little guilty at his own cowardice. His thoughts were in a constant state of conflict. He ached to touch her, to tell her everything. To reciprocate her feelings. But the slave in him told him that these feelings were wrong, they scared him and it was best to stay away lest she be used against him.

Not being able to reconcile with his warring sides. He had resolved yesterday that he would try to keep his distance. But stay close enough to keep her safe. While his given reasons for leaving her was relevant, the whole truth was more about protecting Hawke than himself. Denarius would no doubt find him and given the chance, he would use any advantage or weakness against Fenris. That he had no doubt about. Logic won for now, so up went the stoic mask. Where he could hide from the truth.

"Hawke, you may turn around now, did you need something?" Him saying her name startled her, still very much embarrassed she turned around not meeting his eyes.

"Oh...um yes! I came here to ask if you would like to accompany me to the quinari hold." She then gathered her courage, berating herself for acting like a shy school girl. She then met his eyes, immediately regretting it. She almost immediately drowned in his eyes, her knees felt like giving out on her. It was so unfair how utterly disarmed he made her, just by looking at her like that...

She took in a deep breath and retrieved what remained of her scattered wits, before those mossy green pools swallowed her whole. This wasn't the time or place to be starting to pine, she bit her tongue trying to make herself focus before she lost all her self control. She made her spine rigid and turned her expression stony.

"The...Arishok wants to talk."


	3. Chapter 3

New Chapter everyone! Thank you for being patient. **You are all fabulous!**

Thank you for everyone's support and reviews so far! Love hearts for everyone!

This update is longer than the other 2 Chapters. It was honestly a beast, and would not let me go until I had written it all down! I am already working on Chapter 4! **ENJOY *Edit* I wasn't Completely happy with this chapter so I re wrote some bits. And added a whole lot of other stuff too^.^  
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As Hawke left the Qunari compound she found herself lost in thought once again. The Arishok was as intimidating as she remembered, she last met him 3 years ago and his impression was as imposing and potent as always. She felt a little miffed at the fact that she didn't even get the chance to have Fenris talk to the Arishok.

"A Courtesy" he said. After all that this morning... Hawke felt drained, even still it** was** urgent and she did feel more at ease with Fenris there. Thank the maker for small favors.

Now it was up to them to find Javaris and beat the nonsense out of him. Hawke stopped by the Hanged man and picked up Varric and Isabella along for the trip to Dark town. She was still more than a little peeved at Isabella but she needed another melee in the group. Since Avaline was out of the question, she was limited to her other options. Hawke had learned very early that balancing her companions' abilities was usually the difference between a disaster and an easily executed job. She considered getting Anders for extra healing but he was always busy at his clinic, either healing people or helping mages and those people needed his help a lot more than what she was willing to ask of him. She caught herself thinking she would also like to avoid him and Fenris having another argument...Maker, she was doomed.

She was quiet for the entire trip to Dark Town. Unsurprisingly they found out from the Coterie that Javaris skipped town not so long ago. So off they went to pursue him. Their journey took them all the way to the Wounded Coast and they had to battle more than just a hand full of guards to get to him.

And what comes out of the slimy dwarf's mouth first? Berating her for killing his guards...She curled her lip into a sneer and retorted sarcastically.

"Next time I will be sure to roll over and let them kill me" She rolled her eyes.

"...It's not like they gave me an alternative Javaris" She frowned at the dwarf.

She had already spent half her day trekking around Kirkwall, less than rested, grouchy and thoroughly irritated that she was having to clean up this mess when all she wanted to do was sleep for a week. She **was** tempted to kill the dwarf for the sheer aggravation he had caused her. But no...she had to find out what was going on first.

Hawke was surprised to find out he wasn't the thief and that he had been set up. Some elf woman pinned him as 'scapegoat' and took off with the formula. Her aggression then softened to sympathy and told the dwarf to make himself scarce from now on. She glanced around at her companions to make sure everyone was alright. Varric just waved her off as he was inspecting Bianca, Isabella was pawing at Fenris **again** and he was doing his best to keep his distance. She seemed to want to guess what color small clothes he had on. Hawke bit her lip out of irritation. She was pretty sure Isabella was doing this on purpose, just to get a reaction out of her now. She let out a long drawn out sigh. She didn't have the energy for this, not today...

She frowned looking back towards the city. Now that they were all the way on the wounded coast, they had to go all the way back to Kirkwall...This elf better not end up being on Sundermount...or there was going to be void to pay. And just when she thought the trek back to low town couldn't be any longer or more tedious. It. Starts. To. Rain. They opted for taking the tunnel back to Kirkwall to avoid the rain as best they could. Not that it helped, for they were already drenched by the time they reached the blasted cave. Even with her being so distracted with her own complaining, she did discover one thing.

As tight as Fenris's armor was, it being wet left even less to the imagination...not that she needed to imagine it, she corrected. She couldn't help but stare. What she wouldn't give to have him on top of her again...

"Hawke you ok?" Varric said looking at her with a suspicious gleam in his eyes.

Varric's voice shook her out of her depraved line of thinking.

"Huh? Um...sure, why do u ask?" Varric beckoned her closer letting the other 2 companions get a little head start.

"Because you looked like you were about too jump the elf and eat him whole...heh" Evaine blushed furiously when Varric started to laugh. Fenris and Isabella turned around a little startled at the sudden noise.

"Varric! That was so uncalled for..." Hawke groaned and hid her face in her hand, now completely overcome by the thought of jumping Fenris and doing other things to him rather than just eating him. It made her feel like her ears were about to set her hair on fire.

Fenris looked at her and the dwarf with a confused look on his face. He couldn't quite hear what they were saying. He wasn't sure he wanted to know either given the beat red color Hawke now sported. Pointedly avoiding his eyes...

Evaine took a deep breath and walked behind everyone, willing her flushed face to turn back to its original color.

"Focus Evaine, Focus" She told herself.

It didn't take long to find where the poison had been dispersed when they got back to Kirkwall. A whole section of Low Town was blocked off. People were wanting to return home but the guard wouldn't let them. He warned them that there was poisonous gas in the compound.

The rain was a lot less heavy here but it was of little consequence as they were already soaked to the bone. Once they found a place to duck down. Hawke then turned to her friends and handed them each a vial.

"It's poison resistance. While it's not an antidote specifically, it will at least keep the damage minimal and keep us from turning around and killing each other."

They looked at the vials then at each other with a grimace on their face. This was one of Hawke's potions...and they **always** tasted horrible. Varric made an especially horrified face.

"Can't you make it taste...a little less...nasty?" She rolled her eyes at him.

"Don't be such a wuss Varric. It's not that bad." All her companions gave her an unconvinced look.

They all downed their potions and Hawke fought to pull a face herself and added to herself that they were actually right, she might need to make it taste less like undead Ichor. Hawke approached the guard and volunteered her group to investigate the area. The guard then shrugged and let them pass.

Fenris had been subtly observing her all day. He had thought that he was fairly adept at reading her facial expressions. It seemed that whatever she was thinking was put on display on her face. Lately though she had a mask on, she feigned her usual nature. He knew it was a facade because the emotion never actually reached her eyes. Where as before her eyes sparkled and danced with her usual cheerfulness. She might have had everyone else fooled but not him, he knew her far to well to let her fool him. There were moments when she thought no one was looking and she let the actual cracks show. Cracks that he had no doubt, he had a hand in creating. He sighed, scolding himself for letting his mind get side tracked. This was not the place.

As they entered the quarantined area he was unsurprised that the sight before him was as grim as he imagined it. Thankfully the thickest gas had settled on the lowest point on the ground. But the air was not clear. There was a rustic tang to the air that made his throat burn.

Almost on Que just as Hawke and Isabella got the valve for the first barrel full of toxic gas closed they were attacked. Between the poison and the droves of insane civilians mixed with mercenaries it was a brutal struggle. Hawke's strength was waning fast he could see it. She momentarily collapsed into a cloud of gas, he swiftly scooped her up on to her feet, commanding her not to breathe it in. She found her balance again and gave him a weary but grateful smile. He took over closing the valves on the Barrels while Hawke feverishly kept everyone alive. Noticing her downing more than just a couple of Lyrium potions.

Once the battle for the barrels was over, the culprit emerged. A slight female elf who also wielded a large sword like Fenris appeared, he hesitated, worried Hawke might have trouble with her, he needn't have. Hawke met her with confidence and something happened that he hadn't seen for a while. Hawke lost her temper. She exchanged some words with the crazed elven female. And what she said to her stuck in Fenris's mind.

"Your 'lost heritage', your people's past. You Dalish only use that as an excuse to be bitter and hate everyone else. You can't see 2 feet in front of your own pain! You people speak of your lost past as if it were ripped out of your bare hands! Tell me, what do you know of loosing your own identity, your own past huh?!" She used her hands expressively and Fenris coul see the emotion burn in her eyes. "Who are you to decide for everyone, where they belong. If they find a place where they are accepted and embraced, who are you to deny them that!?" Hawke glared at her furiously and just glanced ever so slightly at him, had he not been acutely aware of her existence at that moment he might have actually missed it.

All Hawke's words did was enrage the elf and she roared and charged Hawke. The woman Fenris had helped to her feet, almost spent disappeared as the fury replaced her exhaustion. Evaine downed a potent Lyrium potion, and engaged the lunatic, she lit the entire area alight with lightning and flame, no one could go near it, so her friends made sure to keep the rest of the mob busy. Hawke had let her rage control her magic only once before this, and that was when she defended Fenris from slavers. The sand on the beach was turned to glass at the amount of heat she had produced. Sure she cut loose when they fought Hadriana, but she was prepared for her, no... the ambush the slavers had set had caught her off guard and interrupted a pleasant moment between her and Fenris. She was talking to him with wild abandon about some of the things she got up to in Lothering. She was rewarded with Fenris's unrestrained smile and that was something she would never forget. Her rage was not just at the annoyance at the interruption, but because they wanted to take him away from her...and that was not going to happen.

This situation however different, also made her angry, it was so senseless. The elf fanatic was determined to frame the Qunari, to drive them from the city and keep them from accepting more elves into their religion. Just because some of her people didn't want to cling to their own lost heritage anymore. She killed so many people just to try accomplish something impossible.

Hawke had shown no restraint in fighting this insane, sorry excuse for an elf. Hawke knew she couldn't hold back, she needed to end it fast before she got in range. It was over before she could even reach Evaine. When the woman fell she was scorched and dying at Hawke's feet, she held Artemis at the ready and glared down at the dying woman.

"These people's blood are on your hands. The more I try, the less sense I see in all of this...death. Instead of blaming the Qunari for taking in your people, you should look to your own race to see how they fail their own people. Some day, your Dalish kin will realize that clinging to hate, only turns it to poison..." With her closing words she lifted the blade end of Artemis and ended her life.

Fenris looked up and saw Hawke descending down the stairs. She had an angry but defeated look on her face. He was confused as he was pretty sure she won the fight. He followed her and their other companions out for fresh air. The rain had thankfully stopped for the moment. So they quickly went to inform the Arishok of the current situation. When conversing with the Arishok, Fenris could see strain on her face, her skin was ashen and she had sweat beading on her forehead. Still she managed to not flinch or ever show weakness in front of the Military leader. Fenris was worried about her, she pushed herself really hard in the last battle and she looked like she was about to loose consciousness.

Soon as they exited the Docks, Varric went back to Low Town to check on Isabella who hastily excused herself from entering the Qunari hold. Saying she wasn't feeling too well.

Hawke leaned against the wall. Her lungs were burning and she felt dizzy. She wasn't sure if it was the poison or just exhaustion but she felt her legs loose their strength and fell forward loosing her vision to darkness.

* * *

Fenris had carried Hawke all the way to Dark Town. He loathed to ask the abomination for help. But this was Hawke, his pride came second, when it came to her life. Anders' reaction to seeing Hawke in such a state had him pitching a fit.

"What in the void did you do to her!?" Anders roared, glaring at Fenris.

"I did nothing to her mage! Watch who you accuse without proof, unless you want to be missing a few pieces by morning" Fenris spat back at the abomination. Anders was about to retort with a smart comment but Fenris cut him off.

"Enough mage! Save your attempts at wit for someone who cares. Hawke is in need of healing, I will not argue with you whilst her life is in danger." Fenris scowled at the abomination, knowing he had the higher ground on this, he was desperately trying to reel in his anger for it would not pay to come to blows with the abomination before Hawke was safe.

Anders then mumbled something idiotic under his breath, Fenris didn't care enough to listen, all he wanted was to see Hawke awake and well again. He brushed the hair from her face looking down at her worried. He looked back at the abomination.

"What are you waiting for?!" Fenris barked at him.

Anders been pulled out of his thoughts when Fenris yelled at him, he fought back the sudden anger when he had seen Fenris tenderly brushing her hair from her face. That was something he wanted to do... seeing the elf do it to her, in his presence no less. Sent off a few warning bells about his previous suspicions.S sudden ache rose in his chest. He shook himself and went to work, and examined her. He snapped up his head as soon as he realized the cause.

"How much Lyrium did she take?!" Anders looked almost accusingly at Fenris.

Fenris raised an eyebrow warning him not to push his luck.

"Four, maybe Five vials. They varied in strength I suspect. They were of different sizes and hue."

Anders swore and slapped his forehead.

"By Andraste's flaming knickers! She knows better than to take that much!" Anders was furious! How can she be so reckless? She should have taken him with her as back up. He rummaged through one of his potion packs he kept in his clinic to find an antidote, muttering under his breath.

"So what's wrong with her exactly? I had thought that maybe the quinari poison she breathed in had a delayed reaction on her." Fenris asked. Trying to be civil and not let the distaste he felt for the mage's presence seep through.

"It's Lyrium poisoning." Fenris cocked his head with a confused expression on his face. Anders huffed, ofcourse he wouldn't know anything about the stuff...

"Normally if a mage overdoses on Lyrium, a few day's rest is all they need, their body breaks down the build up in their blood naturally. However, she also has Qunari poison in her bloodstream and it's preventing her from breaking down the Lyrium, which is why she is unconscious. Her body can't handle the strain." Anders hesitated to continue. He pulled out the 2 vials he found in his pack.

"She needs to take these..." Fenris looked at the mage then back at Hawke, then back at the mage again.

"But she's unconscious..." Suddenly realizing what Anders was silently proposing, Fenris abruptly stood up.

"Absolutely not...there is no way." Anders was now particularly irritated with the elf.

"She needs to take these orally, if she doesn't there could be permanent damage! Step aside and let me do my job" Fenris moved in front of Anders blocking his way, visibly angry and glowing now.

"Over my dead body...you will **not **touch her." Anders had enough. First Fenris wanted his help, now he won't let him do his job. A fine day today's turned out to be...Hawke half dead, and his only company was Ser-Broods-A lot. He shot a glare back at Fenris.

"She could die! You just said you wouldn't argue while her life's in danger." Anders subtly glowing now as well. Fenris struggled with himself, as much as he hated to admit it, the mage was right he was contradicting himself... Then he came up with an idea.

"I will do it. Give me the vials."Fenris opened a gauntleted hand and extended towards the abomination. Anders was about to object but thought better of it. The last thing he wanted was for broody over here to think Hawke was not safe in his company. And at least Hawke would get the medicine she needed. Reluctantly he gave Fenris the vials.

"Fine, you are a real pain in the ass." Anders barked as he was fighting not to pout. Feeling a little bitter at the fact he, in essence just lost an argument to the moping elf. Anders started muttering a complaint under his breath as he marched out the room.

Fenris brushed his fingers over her cheek, he was grateful for Anders at least giving him some privacy. He popped the cork of the first potion and emptied the contents in his mouth. He knew this was necessary but he was still really nervous. He cradled Evaine's head in his hand and tilted her head up. He wrapped his lips around hers and pushed the liquid down her throat. Hoping she would reflexively swallow. It took a few moments before she responded. He was pleased to see she took the first lot. He paused to make sure she was still unconscious before he continued. He did the same with the second. He just hoped she wouldn't wake up till he was finished... that would be very awkward. Once she took the second lot he layed her back down and covered her shivering body with a blanket. He stayed next to her while he waited for Anders to get back.

A few hours went by and Fenris could see she was looking better already. She stopped trembling and was breathing steadily. He knew she would be ok from then on.

When Hawke came to, she was in Anders' clinic. How did she get here? She wondered. As she moved to sit up, she cringed and held her head. It felt like her brain was being stabbed by ice daggers. She groaned and layed her head back down. She then remembered she was outside the docks when she wasn't feeling so well. Maker she never could get used to the after effects. She frowned when she remembered the Elf she fought, she was sad that they had to kill all those people because of one person's blind idiocy. She sighed to herself. Insane Dalish Zealots, Void take the lot of them!

"Ah you are awake!" A loud voice came from her cringed as the voice seemed to want to explode her head. She felt a sudden wave of nausea from the pain and grabbed the nearest vessel and emptied the contents of her stomach, which wasn't much it seemed.

"Anders...please keep it down" She groaned wincing as she tried to sit up again.

"Here let me help" Anders sat next to her on the cot she was preoccupying and put his hand over her forehead. A soft green glow emanating from his fingertips. The pain started to melt away and she relaxed. She opened her eyes to see Anders frowning at her...Uh oh, here it comes.

"You want to tell me why you took so much Lyrium?" Hawke knew it, she was dreading this more than the actual side effects. The inevitable finger wagging, she rolled her eyes and scowled right back at him.

"It was a prolonged battle Anders, I did what I needed to do. Plus we had no idea what we were up against." She countered, it didn't seem to appease him though.

"Exactly why you should have taken me with you!" Anders was visibly distressed and was more than just a little pissed off that Fenris was the one who helped her the most...

"What do you want from me Anders? You want me to spare myself a little pain and let my friends fall in battle? I had 3 other lives depending on me, I was willing to risk a little Lyrium poisoning if it kept everyone else alive." She had a point. Anders was letting his anger control him and overriding the rational choice. Thinking if had it been him he would not have spared himself a little pain to keep everyone alive. He hung his head in defeat.

"Always the voice of reason. Hawke" Anders muttered to himself. He looked back up at her, she had noticed 2 empty vials next to her cot. And was staring at them with a confused expression on her face.

"How long was I passed out?" She asked absently.

"3 days. We were starting to get worried" She looked back at him, giving him a quizzical expression.

"We?" He nodded.

"Everyone came to see you." He fought the rising bile as he continued. "The elf in particular, he was the one who brought you here." He made a pouting face and crossed his arms.

"Next time you decide to pass out Hawke, can you not leave me in the company of someone so angry and morose? I mean seriously the guy pitched a fit when I tried to give you the antidote... Damn near got my heart ripped out for suggesting it in the first place." Hawke's eyebrows rose and snapped her head back at the empty potions. Her face going bright red, Anders thought himself a little depraved for savoring her expression as she was assuming he administered the antidote.

"Um..I..uh" She stuttered. Anders smirked despite himself, then realized he was playing with fire, no doubt if he didn't correct himself broody would catch wind of it.

"Honestly first he asks for my help then blocks me from doing my job" He looked at her, feigning nonchalance. "Relax, we compromised and the elf gave you the antidote orally." She was still blushing, but her expression went from embarrassed to...disappointed? Hmmm interesting.

Hawke sat in silence for a few moments. She was trying to come to terms with what Anders just told her. She put on a pouting face which seemed to confuse Anders even more.

"Figures" Hawke muttered. She pulled her legs up to her chest and leaned the side of her face on her knees. A habit she had developed whenever she felt vulnerable. Typical...The one time she gets a touch or kiss from Fenris in the last 2 weeks and she is unconscious for it...The maker really did have a cruel sense of humor. She sighed feeling a little morose herself now...

"Thank you for helping me Anders, I appreciate you taking time away from your patients." She said with a small voice.

Well this was even more confusing, he thought he would get a clear response from Hawke if he told her what broody did. All that did was make her look sad. Justice was yelling at him in his head, telling him to just ask her the damn question. Her reaction seemed to be favorable for him. He decided to risk it.

"Hawke, may I ask you a question? It's OK if you don't want to answer but I find myself curious." He saw Hawke lift her head from her knees and look at him.

"What's with you and Fenris?" There he said it. Her expression went from pouting to blank. The reaction he got was so lack luster, he started to regret it straight away. There was pain briefly on her face but it passed very quickly. She sighed heavily and got out of bed and adjusted her robe, picking up her staff and turned to him

"That is a subject not open for discussion. I am sorry, thanks for everything Anders" With that she opened the door and left the room.

"Hawke wait!" Yelled Anders. Catching up to her she turned to meet his gaze.

"It's dark outside, let me escort you home. " Hawke considered him for a moment. Then thought it wouldn't be good if she got attacked while she was walking home. She could take care of herself but she could only take on so many. They walked for a while in silence before Anders started to talk about random things. Making polite conversation she assumed, she started to tune out as soon as he reverted to the mages. She was tired of this conversation and she is a mage herself. The concept Anders was trying to get through to Hawke was not something she actually agreed with. Yes she wanted mages to be free. But what Anders was suggested was anarchy, not equality. She was mildly aware of the conversation but was more focused on her own thoughts. She wasn't sleep deprived anymore. But the tiredness was emotional, not physical. Something she knew only a few things could relieve. Seeing as the cause of her current emotional state was out of the question, she had to move to the second option. She contemplated a few names from her wine cellar, before she decided.

When they arrived at her home she saw the lights still on, well she guessed it was only 7 maybe 8 in the evening so her mother would still be up. She hoped for a pleasant evening before bed, maybe she can tell her mother some of the less dramatic stories Varric made up about her. Heh dreams are free...

"Thank you Anders. Goodnight" She patted Anders on the shoulder and went inside.

Anders lingered at her door, confused. He berated himself again for asking such a blunt question. The fact that she wouldn't talk about it meant that something did happen. He thought she would at least tell him something, they were friends after all. With a loud, drawn out huff he decided to leave.

"Women..."He muttered to himself and kicked a stone.


	4. Chapter 4

I know that technically Bethany and mage Hawke is not possible in game, but I liked her better than Carver. I decided to keep Bethany as the living sibling. (No offense to any Carver fans out there but I think he's an ass.) Thank you for the reviews, as always I love your feedback. Love hearts and kittens for everyone!^.^

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As soon as Hawke got home, she should have known her plans for an evening of quiet drinking was doomed to fail. Her mother arrived home about 10 minutes after she did.

"Mother where have you been? You know it's not safe to be outside alone." Her mother gave her a scathing look. Oh yeah this was going to end well.

"Don't you use that tone with me young lady. For your information I was not alone. While you've been out gallavanting with your friends, I've been looking for a husband for you." Hawke looked at her mother in disbelief. She just couldn't catch a break, Hawke thought to herself bitterly.

"No...no, we are not having this conversation mother." Hawke scowled at her mother, she had just about enough of everyone poking their noses into her personal life. The last thing she wanted to hear about right now was matters about her courtship or match making. Leandra narrowed her eyes at her daughter.

"Can't you think about your family for once instead of yourself?" Evaine's mother's words felt like she had just physically slapped her. She couldn't believe her ears.

"Did you just-" Leandra cut her off

"There are more important things a head of our house should worry about. You have no business consorting with someone who doesn't have anything to offer you. Risking your name over some passing fancy...Honestly" Before now her mother never tried to force this kind of thing on her. And the way she just spoke about Fenris sent her blood boiling. She was physically trembling with anger trying desperately not to loose control.

"You, have no right to say that to me mother. **Everything** I have done in the past was for our family. Are you not in the old family estate? Did I not brave the deep roads, so we could have a better life? Instead of taking Bethany with me I left her here because it was too dangerous and because you asked me to!."

The pain of Leandra's words were starting to take effect and slowly unraveling Hawke's control. She slammed her fist into the wall.

" **Everything**! I've done was for us. Since when, not just here but, when we were in Lothering, did I ever give you the impression that I needed some rich snob to take care of me and give me security? The answer is never, because I don't want it! Is it so wrong for me to want the choices I make to be my own in my personal life?! And it's not just a passing fancy Mother! And you have no right to speak about him like that. You don't know him, so don't presume to judge me for choosing him! I don't care about noble birth. This infatuation you have with carrying on the Amell family name is redundant! I am a Hawke, **not** an Amell. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you can accept that you don't **ever** get to lecture me about marrying for love and that is Final!"

Before Leandra could even reply or say a thing Hawke turned on her heel left through the front door and slammed it behind her. She was angry, very angry. She glared at the door for a few seconds before deciding she would go see Varric and have a drink with him.

One day of peace was all she wanted! Was that too much to ask? All that even before she could get to the blasted cellar and get her wine...Maker she needed a drink.

She stomped all the way down to the Hanged Man. Glaring at everything, promising violence to anyone who came too close to her. When she opened the door she headed straight to the bar. She ordered a bottle of the best wine the bar keep had and stomped all the way to Varric's suite. Unfortunately no one was home.

"Perfect, just sodding great." She muttered to herself and plunked down on a chair at the table. She put the bottle on the table and poured herself a glass. She was so angry she didn't even care that she was drinking alone in Varric's suite. About an hour passed by before anyone turned up. And by that time Hawke was well and truly sloshed.

"Hawke! There you are!" Varric called out to her. She turned around and gave him a lopsided smile and gestured with her glass.

"Glad to see you are up and well. I went to see you at the clinic and ran into this lot. When I got there Anders said you had already woken up and went back home." Hawke snorted and said something incoherent under her breath. Fenris, Isabella, Merril and Anders came through the door next. Varric sat at his usual chair now noticing she was fairly drunk judging by the empty bottle of wine and another bottle open. He looked at her with some concern, It was rare for Hawke to drink alone and in his suite on top of things.

"You ok Hawke?" Varric said cautiously.

"Juuust peachy..."Hawke just took a sip of her drink. Varric looked accusingly at Fenris, who just shook his head and shrugged. Everyone ordered a round of drinks and got settled in for a game of Diamond back.

"I'm glad you are well again Hawke." Merril said with a little worry in her voice. That moved her to look at her companions. All their concerned faces made her loose her grip on her seething. She sighed and straightened her slumping posture.

"I'm glad to be well Merril. I am sorry I worried all of you." She heard Fenris grunt subtly and then noticed he was blushing under his locks. She couldn't help but smile, at least that part Anders told her was true. The momentary distraction thinking about Fenris blushing made her anger grow impotent once again. She was honestly starting to suspect that she couldn't stay angry around him.

"So, sweet thing. What brings you here in such a depressed state?" Isabella sauntered over and put her arm around Hawke's shoulders. In her drunken state of mind she didn't even care about Fenris's scowling at the harlot or Isabella's unrepentant lack of respect for her personal boundaries, she heaved a defeated sigh and frowned.

"It's just mother, we fought again. I am just...tired of it." She finished her drink and poured another.

"She was talking about marriage." She said in a groan, at that moment Anders suddenly sprayed the mouth full of ale he had all over the table and the ground, and Fenris shattered his glass of wine he had been holding at the same time. Varric groused and told them to clean up their mess. Anders coughed, and cleared his throat.

"What did you say to that?" Anders asked cautiously, feeling the elf's eyes boring into his forehead. Hawke scowled into her cup even more.

" I got angry, told her it's not her decision to make. Come on, could you really imagine **me **playing house wife to some snob in high town?" Anders smiled, he really couldn't, plus she's a mage, no noble would willingly marry into a family with magic he added to himself.

"Heh, you got that right" Varric chuckled.

"Our lady Hawke, is more than most nobles can handle" He cocked a subtle eyebrow at Fenris and gave him a knowing smirk. Her friends carried on playing cards and chatting. She was half way through her second bottle when she heard Fenris call her name.

"Hawke, how did you get home from the clinic?" He asked her curiously. She was more than a little drunk and couldn't help but smile at his concern for her well being.

"Anders walked me home...after he told me what happened when I passed out." She gestured to Anders. Nodding in his direction. She looked at Fenris with a wicked smile and wiggled her eyebrows at him. Trying to provoke a reaction out of him was fun.

Fenris blushed a little a coughed nervously. Suddenly regretting asking her and cursing Anders for his indiscretion. Of course the abomination would tell her everything. Regretting not punching a hole in the damn mage's chest when he had the chance.

"Oh hooo, and what is this Hawke?, a juicy piece of gossip? Do tell" Said Varric rummaging for his quill.

"Oh just that when I collapsed Fenris carried me all the way to Anders' clinic, in spite of his dislike for him" Hawke gave him a knowing wink and said nothing more. Varric sighed in disappointment. Fenris shot a warning glance to Anders, just in case his mouth started flapping again.

"What? That's all? And here I thought it would be something juicy" Mumbled Isabella.

Fenris was surprised she said no more. She was obviously teasing him to see if he would become flustered. But then he remembered what she told him in front of her estate.

"I decided that, whatever happened between us would remain private" He smiled despite himself. And carried on watching his Hawke drink herself into a stupor.

His Hawke...he repeated to himself. By all rights he had no claim to her, save for the one night he spent with her. Sometimes the memory felt just like a vivid dream. One that brought both anguish and happiness to his solitary nights in his mansion. What he wouldn't give to be rid of this hate he felt constantly. To be truly free of his former master. Would he ever be able to say he's truly free? Even though he swore he would never wear chains again, there were still things that bound him here. To this city, one person in particular...He looked at Hawke, the feelings she stirred in him were frightening. They were so strong he had an instinctual urge to flee and never return. But he couldn't leave, the thought of leaving and never seeing her again was excruciating. And he could not settle things alone with his former master. So in a way they may not be physical chains, but chains none the less. He frowned slightly at the sudden downturn his spiraling thoughts had made. Thinking of Denarius was souring his mood fast so he thought it would be better to not give his thoughts attention and remained contented just with watching Hawke.

He leaned against the back of his chair and watched as Hawke played with her friends. By the time she finished the second bottle of wine she was so drunk she could hardly stand. But much happier than what she had been lately. He was watching her play with Isabella and Varric. He thought to himself she needed to take a load off every once and a while, she had so much tension to deal with. Her mother trying to marry her off wasn't helping either.

Varric let Hawke have his bed for the night. She had passed out in the early hours of the morning, so far gone no one could make sense of her ramblings any more. Fenris opted to leave when she fell asleep. She would be safe here with Varric. He always seemed to have her best interests in mind. As Fenris left to go back to High town Varric pulled him aside.

"Hold on there elf. I have a question." Fenris noticed the serious expression on the dwarf's face, he already knew this was not a conversation he was going to enjoy. He managed to avoid most of everyone's prodding with a scowl and evasive comments but this time Varric wasn't going to leave it alone he suspected.

"What exactly is that wrapped around your wrist." Fenris frowned and looked at his wrist reflexively and then crossed his arms.

"None of your business dwarf." Fenris cursed himself as soon as he said it. He just all but admitted it was something more to him then just a piece of cloth, judging by the expression Varric wore.

"Hawke will neither confirm or deny anything...well the explanation doesn't really matter. I'm pretty sure I can guess what's going on between you two." Fenris raised an eyebrow.

"And how would you come to such a conclusion." Varric smirked at the elf.

"I am **very **observant. It's the different air around you. Everyone in our group has known Hawke's only had eyes for you ever since she met you. There was this sexual tension you could cut with a knife around you two. Always dancing around each other. She always hung around you. Then after you killed Hadriana we didn't see you for a week anywhere near her. When she brought you on missions again. There was tension in the air, but a different one, more awkward. Can you see what I am getting at?" Varric wasn't a sentimental type of guy, and he didn't particularly do the protective act very well. He didn't even do that for his brother when he was younger, but Hawke was important to him, and probably his best friend. She deserved to have at least one person have her back.

"I see where you are going dwarf, what do you want from me? I will neither confirm or deny anything either." Fenris was getting irritated at the dwarf, why can't people just leave him alone.

"I don't want anything from you, I just hope you aren't responsible for the sadness in her eyes." Fenris tensed slightly, then frowned.

" And what if I was responsible?" Fenris asked cautiously. Not wanting to let anything slip. Varric squared off his shoulders and faced him straight on.

"If that's the case, I suggest you try to show Hawke, her faith in you is not misplaced. And make things right with her." Fenris was shocked, was Varric really saying this?

"Do not presume to try and tell me what to do dwarf, or you will regret it" Fenris spat back at him. Varric held up his hands in a placating gesture.

"I am not trying to tell you what to do Elf. Hawke is a dear friend to me and she looks out for all of us, **especially **you." Varric searched the Elf's expression for a moment, wondering if he should divulge this little bit of information to him, blondie might be upset with him...he shrugged to himself then continued.

"Never in the whole time I have known her, has she kept quiet when someone said anything negative about you. She doesn't tolerate anyone badmouthing you. For example, when Anders was scoffing about the fact you had fallen to the pride demon, she ripped him a new asshole and nearly set him on fire she was so angry at him. I honestly thought her and Justice were going to come to blows." That got a reaction out of the elf, shock, actual shock, hurrah! And here he thought the elf had turned to stone.

"Personally my money was on Hawke, but I digress. After that even Anders has learned his lesson to keep his mouth shut, or risk his eyebrows being zapped off. That's how much faith she has in you, even when what happened in the fade suggested otherwise, she has never doubted you. So when I suggested that you try to make things right, that's all I meant... Don't try to deny it elf, I'm better at lying than you. I understand you probably had your reasons, for causing Hawke pain. I am sure Hawke does as well. But that doesn't change the fact that it happened, so here's where I get to the point. She loves you, with every fiber of her being, even a complete idiot can see that, and regardless of how you feel about her, I respect you Fenris. But if you dare hurt her again, you will have me and Bianca to deal with." Fenris kept his stance defensive, he was hoping he looked as irritated as he felt. He was holding his anger in check and let Varric say his peace. Hawke would most definitely be upset if the Dwarf was missing a heart in the morning...

"Are you threatening me Varric?" The dwarf chuckled at the elf's words, it was dry and humorless.

"I most certainly am. Though the fact remains that I doubt I would ever need to follow through on it. But like I said, Hawke is a dear friend. I'm just letting you know where you stand."

With that Varric turned on his heel and walked back to his room. Finding a very drunk, passed out Hawke snoring in his bed. Her hair was tousled and sticking up in all directions, she was twisted in her blankets. The sight was ridiculously endearing. He smiled to himself. He noticed her tossing and turning as he walked past and heard the elf's name a few times.

"You better make this right elf." He said to himself as he settled in his comfy arm chair and nodded off. Hoping that Hawke was able to forget her troubles just for a little while.


	5. Chapter 5

This was a hard chapter to write. Poor Hawke, I had to run for tissues more than once...I have thought to myself. And it's probably an obvious conclusion to make, that heroes are born out of necessity. Overcoming adversity and shining above the rest. Enduring great sacrifice and pain. That's what makes me like Hawke. Her ability to survive. All though in the game it just seems she takes everything in her stride. And she makes no real connection to it all. With my Hawke in this story, she still feels all of it. Even heroes struggle when the burden becomes too heavy. After all she is just human. (Some mature language in this chapter)

**Thank you to everyone who take time to stop and read my story and write me reviews. I appreciate them so much! Big fluffy hugs for everyone!**

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Fenris awoke in his mansion, he squinted at the light seeping through the window. The memories of the previous night's events were turning over in his head. Varric's warning had not gone on deaf ears. He glanced at the red cloth tied to his naked wrist. Even if she never said what it meant, he could guess it's meaning. He wore it out of pride and shame at the same time. It was a reminder to him, that she favored him and of their time together, of the words said and of him leaving. It was his way of showing her he did have feelings for her. Not removing it and always wearing it in plain sight. It was the only way he could express his feelings for her at the moment. He had hoped she would understand what kind of leap out of his comfort zone it was to be brandishing something of hers so boldly.

Enduring all the curious comments from their friends and Isabella's teasing in particular was almost too much for him and he wanted to just hide the cloth to shut them up. But after what Varric had told him about Hawke always looking out for him, defending his honor, even nearly coming to blows with the abomination in his name. That fact left a lasting effect on him, more than any threat the dwarf could make. Last night when he returned home he decided he would wear this scrap of cloth like a badge of honor. For Hawke deserved no less than to have her faith in him honored in however way he was able to do so.

No sooner had he rubbed his eyes and sat up from the floor, when he heard the door downstairs creak open.

"Fenris! You awake?! We're coming up!" He heard Aveline yell in a booming voice.

"Maker Aveline, not so loud...ughhhh my head" Hawke's voice came a lot quieter than her usual tone. She would be hung over today, judging by the amount of wine she tossed back last night.

"It's your own fault for drinking so much, crisis in this city doesn't wait for anyone to sober up, least of all 'Serah Hawke'" Aveline scolded Hawke. He could hear her mumble something about shooting her now and letting the city burn. She really was a grouch when she was hung over and tired, he thought to himself with a small smile.

Fenris quickly dressed before they entered his room. This time Hawke slowly peaked before entering completely, obviously not wanting to repeat her embarrassment like last time. Which amused him as well as made him a little sad, he did love to see her face when she was flustered with embarrassment. She did look terrible now though. And the grim expression Aveline wore told him only one thing. That there was trouble, and whatever it was, she had dragged Hawke feet first out of bed to deal with it.

"Trouble Hawke?" Stating the obvious? Fenris?...no never. She groaned and straightened herself.

"And then some. A Qunari delegate has gone missing, literally right after they met with the Viscount. We already questioned the guards and found out that the grand cleric's seal is being misused, Mother Petrice is probably involved." Fenris grimaced when she spoke that wretched woman's name. If she was involved, there was no doubt that matters were about to get worse.

"Then we should make haste." Hawke nodded and gave him a weak smile.

"Varric's meeting us at the Chantry. I really hope we aren't too late."

Hawke had a really bad feeling, and it wasn't her lurching stomach or her aching head that was bothering her as much as the deep feeling of dread that something really bad is about to happen. They had to hurry, it was almost a panicked need to get to the bottom of this. The feeling sprang up as soon as she realized Petrice might be involved. She hoped her fear will be proven irrational, but she had more than just a niggling feeling that the delegates were either already dead or were soon to be...

Speaking to Petrice left a bad taste in Evaine's mouth, they were blocked by her when arriving at the Chantry. She refused to let them see the grand cleric. She blamed Zealots and her ex bodyguard for this event. How in the name of Andraste's flaming sword did she not find a way to kill this woman before?! She knew the woman was trouble after their first encounter. Hawke berated herself for not seeing the bigger picture before today.

Arriving at the safe house where Ser Varnell was supposed to be Hawke found herself now fighting the droves of insane fanatics...once again. All the while her sense of dread increased. She was desperate to save the Qunari's lives. The ramifications of this would be disastrous for the tension between the city and the Qunari.

When they finally arrived at the area Ser Varnell held the delegates she curled her lip in disgust. He had been torturing them...With an audience no less! She saw Fenris tense in the corner of her eye when he saw the sight in front of them. This probably brought up bad memories for him, she thought. She let her attention take in the whole scene, her blood practically sang in it's fury. Words could not describe her out rage at that moment. Petrice appeared as if on que, spouting some nonsense about Hawke being the bringer of justice to Varnell's trouble making ways...Maker, she wanted to tear this woman limb from limb. Swiftly after her short impromptu speech Petrice fled the field leaving Hawke more than just a little homicidal.

When confronting them, there was nothing she could do to stop Varnell from killing the delegates. There was too much distance between them and not enough time. She fought the urge to let herself be overcome with her anger again. But thought better of it. They were outnumbered 2 dozen to one and it would not do her any good to fall victim to blind rage when everyone else counted on her. She took a few slow breaths just before the templar engaged them with his crowd of deranged zealots. She maintained control and fell into a steady pace with her group. It was a slaughter. Fenris was a blinding blur, killing 3 or 4 at a time, Varric sent arrow after arrow into his enemies, Aveline went straight for Varnell and was fighting with every bit of skill the swords woman was known for. In the end Varnell fell and all of his fanatics followed. The Qunari were dead, and Hawke had the lovely job of informing the Viscount of this mess.

Hawke turned to go and inform the Viscount and saw Fenris looking at her concerned. She wouldn't insult Fenris by smiling, how can this situation possibly merit anything more than an unhappy expression. However when she went too walk past him she patted him gently on the shoulder blade, reassuringly. He looked at her a little startled, she was sure he was conflicted again. Welcome to my world, she thought to herself. She strode past her companions and looked at the exit and turned back at them with an angry expression on her face.

"The depravity of these people, is beyond disgusting. I hope Varnell gets raped by darkspawn in the void. He certainly deserves no less and if I ever see that bitch Petrice again I am going too strangle her..." Earning a shocked look from her friends she turned and stomped out of the exit and into the city. Anger was good, she thought to herself. She could hide her weariness under it. She had to be strong...at least around her companions. She was their pillar of strength after all.

After the Viscount was informed, Hawke was shocked to learn that the Viscount wanted to burn the bodies of the Qunari. She advised against it as it would only put him in a worse position. She thought this city was getting to **her. **The defeated expression that graced the Viscount's face made him look twice his age. She felt sorry for him. After all he was the one who would have to deal with the aftermath of this mess.

* * *

The week that followed felt like a blur to Hawke. Not just because of her being so busy helping everyone. But because her relationship with her mother just seemed to be getting worse. After their argument about Leandra marrying Hawke off to some random noble, they argued once more when she returned home, this time her mother had blamed her for Carver's death. Saying that Evaine had failed to protect her siblings. The way Leandra spoke to her, the bitterness in her words. It made her feel like she no longer saw Evaine as her daughter, that she wished she had taken Carver's place and it broke her heart. Her mother might as well have stabbed a knife in her heart, needless to say, they were no longer on speaking terms.

"I am sorry my birth has caused you so much sorrow mother" Was the last thing Hawke said to her mother before leaving their estate to drown herself in work.

She avoided her mother as much as possible and she was often out when Hawke returned from a mission. But she still should have realized sooner when her mother had gone missing. Things might have been different if she had more time...She had visited her estate several times that day before finding Gamlen trying to get some information out of Sandal.

"White Lillies" Bodahn's words rang in her ears. She remembered what those flowers meant. The blood drained from her face. Panic and dread felt like it was gripping her throat. She had to find her mother...now. All the hurtful words they had exchanged seemed meaningless now. All that mattered , was that her mother was in danger and nothing was going to stop Hawke from finding her.

Evaine had gathered her companions as quickly as possible, she would need someone to disarm traps, she also took Anders this time...as much as she wanted to take Fenris, Anders was a healer and if her mother was injured, she wasn't taking any chances. She also brought Aveline as melee support. Hawke met Gamlen in Low Town and once Hawke payed off a rather wretched looking urchin, Anders, Hawke, Varric and Aveline made their way through Low Town, following a fresh trail of blood. By the time they reached the Foundry where the blood led, Hawke was frantic.

"This was where we tracked Ninette's remains to all those years ago." Aveline remarked as they went through the door. They had searched every nook and cranny of the Foundry years back and found no trace of the man who killed Ninette. Or her body for that matter...It felt almost too convenient that they practically fell over the trap door this time. They hesitated and Hawke looked at Varric.

"So...trap?" He asked her.

"Trap" She frowned and nodded, confirming Varric's statement. Everyone made sure to be ready as soon as they entered the basement.

They were attacked by shades and demons and all other manners of unholy creatures blood magic could conjure up. Hawke didn't care what she faced, she would reclaim her mother...Her fighting became desperate when they found the body of a woman who had fled Gasgard Du Pui's clutches when they went to investigate Emeric's findings. Something about Gasgard's story didn't seem right. So she rid Kirkwall of another blood mage that day. She had no doubt after encountering all those shades and undead that they were dealing with at least one blood mage.

Dread gripped her stomach as she stared at the painting with her mother's face staring back at her, the notes around her on the floor, all displayed snippets of madness. Her thoughts were starting to unravel into sheer panic. All she could do was hope and pray.

Until she came face to face with Quentin. Everyone looked in disbelief at the sight before them. Hawke couldn't react, couldn't talk, couldn't breathe. Her mother...her...mother...

The air had gone heavy and it shimmered around Hawke as she drew the magic in around her. Before her companions could react she unleashed a Tempest storm around Quentin. He unfortunately was ready for her attack and blocked her with a shield. They fought off the hordes of demons he summoned and Hawke was forced to kill the essences of all the women...he...stitched together. Including her own mother's. She had never felt more betrayed by her own kind, than right at that very moment.

After they killed Quentin, When the battle was over. She held what remained of her mother in her arms, she asked Anders if he could do anything for her, but he said she was already dead. The necromancer's magic only tied her soul to that body unnaturally. She could hear her mother's words of comfort.

"I'm sorry mother...for everything." She said in barely a whisper to Leandra. All her mother did was smile. Her mother told her she was so strong, and how proud she was. Those words rang hollow in Hawke's ears. If she was so strong, then why was her mother dying in her arms? Why couldn't she protect the people she loved the most?

As her mother slipped away, Numbness took over her and Hawke bowed her head and silently grieved. She felt empty, tired, and heart broken. Yet she couldn't bring herself to cry.

Aveline helped Hawke get up, no one said anything. She was afraid they were pitying her, felt sorry for her. But when Evaine saw her companion's expressions all she saw was sadness. Aveline sent Varric and Anders away and walked her home.

Hawke was locked in her room for 3 days, each day her companions came and were sent away by her servants. She accepted visitors on the 4rth day and received everyone's condolences. Everyone except one. Varric was pissed when he found out and proceeded to march over to the the Elf's squalid mansion. He tore open the door, and found Fenris perched on a chair. Lost in thought, staring into the fire.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't spike you with an arrow right now...You want to tell me why you are sitting in front of the fire instead of talking to Hawke? You did hear about her mother didn't you?" Varric was angry but he was sure there was a reason the elf was not at her side. The only time Varric could get Hawke to look at him was when he said the elf's name. Which meant the only person who could possibly smash past her grief and get through to her was Fenris.

"I did hear dwarf, no need to get upset. I went to see her the day after it happened but I was turned away. I thought it best to give her some time before I offered my condolences." Varric huffed and scratched his jaw. He moved to sit on a chair.

"Well you better get in there and talk to her because none of us can get through to her. She just seems so...far away." Fenris looked at Varric with a frown on his face.

"Didn't I tell you before dwarf, not to presume to tell me what to do...And besides what exactly do you want me to say to her? I'm not exactly the nurturing type of person" Varric snorted.

"You got that right. Heh, Look broody, all I'm **asking** is that you go to her and try to get through to her. Staying like that's not healthy. I have a feeling she will open up to you" Fenris looked bemused and let out a long drawn out sigh.

"Alright dwarf, if it will stop you from pestering me then I will go. I just hope your assumptions are right." Fenris promptly left his mansion. Trying to think of the words he should use. Damn that dwarf and his meddling ways, Varric should know he's no good with words...

Fenris paced back and forth in front of Hawke's door. Unable to find the words to help console Hawke, he tossed his planning to the wind and entered her estate. Hawke wouldn't want sugar coated words. She would see right through them anyway. She knew he wasn't someone who would coddle her.

"I don't know what to say but I am here." Fenris spoke to her as he walked into Hawke's bed chamber feeling awkward and uncomfortable. This room held memories that were raw for him and made him feel guilty.

" Just say something..anything."Her voice was hoarse, like she hadn't spoken for days. He stumbled over his thoughts and tried to answer her.

"T..they say that death is only a journey. Does that help?" She paused for a moment. Then replied

"I suppose they say you go back to the maker when you die." At least she was speaking, he thought to himself. Though the light in her eyes was gone.

" I've heard that as well." He managed to respond sitting next to her on her bed. So now what? Awkward silence...fantastic.

Hawke was happy that Fenris was here. Even if she couldn't literally acknowledge just how alone she felt. All she could think about was that she no longer had her mother. Her brother or her father. And the only living member of her family was in the circle. Locked away, never to be seen again. Except her friends, she had no one. Suddenly all that effort to look strong in front of her companions didn't seem so important.

She wasn't sure whether it was her close proximity to Fenris, the fact that he cared enough to come see her and try to be there for her or just the fact that she just admitted to herself that her mother was gone for the first time since she held her in her arms. A wave of emotion started to rise that she wasn't ready for.

"Fenris?"She croaked. He looked at her, a little startled that she was looking at him. It was the first time she lifted her head since he arrived.

"Would you think any less of me, if I asked you to stay... for a little while?" Hawke was unable to keep Fenris's gaze she dropped her head again.

"Of course not...I... don't know if you know this Hawke. And I must sound like an idiot saying this but you **are **allowed to grieve the loss of your mother. No one's going to judge you for that." Fenris was scowling at her, not sure what he should do next. But after what she asked him he was pretty sure that she was trying to be strong in front of everyone. His Hawke was strong, everyone knew that. She would bounce back from this, she just needed to accept her loss and release her grief.

Hawke had turned her head slightly away, and she was trembling. Fenris noticed tears dropping onto her lap. In any other circumstance he would have panicked and not been able to deal with a crying woman. But Fenris was content with the fact that she would be fine now that she wasn't just staring into space. He stayed with her till she stopped crying and every now and again she spoke to him. She asked about his mother. Unfortunately there wasn't much he could tell her about his mother, as he didn't remember her. He mostly just listened to her tales. When he left her estate she had talked herself to sleep. She was almost back to her old self.

As he walked to his mansion he realized the infernal dwarf's intuition was right. He smiled despite the niggling irritation. But if it got Hawke back on her feet he didn't mind it at all that much...not that he would ever admit that to the dwarf, or any one else for that matter.


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you for being patient! Ta Da! Here it is Chapter 6!

Thank you so much for your reviews so far. They are literally what keeps me writing this story. You are all wonderful!

This chapter is a bit mild. But I thought a moment of levity is in order before the proverbial shite hits the fan.

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In the small hours of the morning Hawke awoke from a nightmare. Her head snapped up and scanned her room, she tried to make her eyes adjust to the darkness.

"Fenris?" She called but realized with a disappointed sigh he wasn't there. Of course he wouldn't have stayed after she fell asleep. She rubbed her eyes and sat up in her bed, she stared at the dying coals in the fireplace in her room and fought the overwhelming pain she felt once more. Previously she had stopped feeling anything all together. Like her mind had removed itself to keep her from hurting any longer. Fenris's visit had changed that. She had to fight every fiber of her body not to turn around and cling to him when he was there. But she wouldn't initiate it. She wanted **him** to hold her, to comfort her, to...love her. Like she loved him from the bottom of her heart. Tears streamed down her face.

"Am I not allowed to be happy?" She asked herself in a small trembling voice. No answer...there was always no answer.

She got out of bed and made her way to the kitchen and made herself some tea. She wasn't going to go to sleep anymore, her mind was ceaseless in tormenting her with her mother's death. She had a funny feeling that she would not sleep properly for a really long time. As she walked through her house, the rooms seemed to be so much wider, emptier. Aside from her servants, she was alone in this giant estate. Words couldn't express how much she didn't want to be in this house right now. Everything in this house reminded her of her mother. It was just so painful. She couldn't leave her house yet it was still dark. She decided to got to her library and read a book while she waited for daybreak. She found a book that she used to enjoy reading till she realized it was a book her mother had given her...and a romance novel. She passed the book, not willing to torture herself any more than she already was and settled for book of short adventure stories. The stories were humorous, they might lighten her mood. Then she came up with an idea. She thought a certain reclusive elf might enjoy these stories...And they haven't had any reading lessons lately.

Fenris had not slept at all during the night. His mind was a mess. The two sides of himself were in a constant state of battle. When he was with Hawke, sitting so close to her his inner conflict was almost unbearable. One part of him wanted to touch her, to comfort her, to make the sadness disappear from her eyes. To make her feel better. He ached to close that short distance, to soothe her tears and make her forget the pain even for a moment. But the slave in him told him that touching is bad. It will hurt, touching leads down dangerous paths. Don't start something that you can't back out of, it said. Run away now while you still can. It was like a lightning storm inside his mind, all he could do was just to stay still and be in her presence. He resolved that touching her would bring up things she didn't need to remember right now and maybe cause misunderstandings. He wasn't sure he could control himself if he started it. However badly he ached for it, touching was more commitment than he was able to make at this time

He hated seeing her upset, even if it was necessary to help her heal. But a small part of him couldn't help feeling honored at the trust she placed in him when he sat there when she cried. He was the only one who had seen her cry. It was the principle of her trusting him that much to let her walls down. And that he got so see a different part of her. Regardless of past events she kept believing in him and trusting him when others would have cast him aside.

The fact she never cried in front of any one was a certainty everyone knew. Her companions didn't actively discuss it but Hawke was their leader and it was a commonly known fact that she would think showing that kind of face would make her look weak. She was just that kind of person.

After he bathed and dressed he started to tend to his equipment. The rhythmic sound of his sharpening stone helped him relax when his mind was over stimulated with thoughts, or just in a bad mood, which seemed to be the case today. It didn't take long for him to fall into a trance of meditative thought while sharpening his sword. A pang on annoyance crept up as soon as he heard foot steps coming up the stairs, he heard the door open, but before whoever was there could say anything he snapped at the intruder thinking it was the dwarf.

" Can't you stop pestering me for one day and leave me to my solitude?" Silence, he turned around and the blood ran from his face. Realizing it was Hawke. Her face had the expression of a startled hare. He shot up, nearly dropping his sword and making her flinch, he fumbled the air for words.

"Oh Hawke, I...um...thought you were Varric...I... was so distracted in cleaning my equipment I didn't realize it was you. I... apologize. You did not deserve such a harsh tone of voice." He hung his head in shame, berating himself for not realizing it was her. Her foot falls were louder than the dwarf's. They sounded distinctively different. He chanced a glance at her, and she had a smile on her face.

"That's ok Fenris." She declared, no other answers, she just moved in to the room and approached him.

"What brings you to my humble abode?" He asked sarcastically with a slightly confused expression. It looked like she brought him a book? Hmm interesting...

"Well I came across this book when I was looking for something to read and thought you might enjoy it. I was wondering if you would like to read it with me, that's if you are comfortable to continue our reading lessons?" As she turned the book over to show it to him something fell out of the middle of it. Hawke looked down and had a deep scowl on her face. Anders' Manifesto...She bent down and picked it up and tossed it in the fire.

"You're not going to read it?" Fenris asked a little stunned at what she just did. Hawke just crossed her arms and leaned back on a bench.

" Why? I already know what it says." She said matter of factly. She harrumphed and made a display of what the manifesto said.

" Mages should be free, Templars are depraved, power hungry psychopaths, all mage circles should be torn down brick by brick. Mages are no better off than slaves. Kill Templars, free mages... free mages...free mages blah blah blah" Fenris had to keep his amusement in check. She was actually mocking the abomination. This was too good to be true. He checked to make sure he wasn't dreaming. He kept his expression guarded. This conversation should be good...

"You disagree on his views?" Hawke let out a tired sigh.

"No, but to be quite honest I don't like having that particular piece of literature practically shoved down my throat every time I turn around. So far my count is 12 copies have been hidden throughout my mansion..." Her scowl deepened and she stopped talking.

"Then why mock him if you don't disagree?" Fenris asked cautiously. This subject was always a subject of constraint between Hawke and him. He didn't want to alienate her so soon after she took the initiative to finally leave her house. He was met with a tired look. He regretted asking her that. But he was curious. This was another side of her he had not seen.

"I mock him because I am sick of hearing about it. Whenever we speak he is droning on about it, it's like that spirit inside of him keeps him from anything else. What he wants is to free mages by any means necessary. Which means, that mages will always be viewed as a threat. Violence only inspires more violence. He wants to not answer to anyone and be free to do what he wants. That's not freedom, that's anarchy. What I want is equality, for all mages to be treated the same as other people. I don't disagree with his views, only with his methods." Hawke considered Fenris's expression for a moment. She then continued but decided instead of just talking to him she would make him think about this a little bit.

"Let me ask you something Fenris, You think the circle is necessary right? Then why, does the circle not work hm?" The question took him off guard. He tried to hide the curl of his lip when she started to speak about the abomination and the freedom of mages. But he did want to hear her answer.

"I honestly couldn't say. I have limited knowledge on how magic works." Hawke cocked her head to the side and gave him a half smile.

"The circle doesn't work because they are teaching mages wrong." Fenris cocked an eyebrow, now this was news to him.

"How so?" Hawke then considered her answer carefully before replying.

"They teach mages to fear their magic. Fear, is a weakness that the demons can exploit. Whereas respect is a strength that can't. The circle doesn't teach their mages to respect their magic. They teach them to be afraid of it, that it's like a disease. Learning the dangers and discovering your own limits in your magic is what makes you strong. Developing and advancing your own abilities is what builds your confidence to wield magic and not be easily tempted by demons. Why be tempted by power if you have power yourself?" She had a valid point, but still there were people willing to take short cuts.

"Yes but they still fall to their own desires. I've seen magisters fall to demons even after they have everything they could ever want." Fenris countered

"Yes, with every rule there are exceptions, but whenever a circle mage falls to a demon through blood magic it is often, but not exclusive to being driven into a corner. Fear of being caught by templars, fear of never seeing your family again, fear of being abused by templars, fear of falling to demons, fear of hurting innocent people...or...Vengeance. The list goes on. What I don't like about Anders' approach is that he paints every mage with the same brush. Anyone who opposes them is evil. He can't see past his own goals, so it's really pointless to argue about it with him. I however judge people, mage or otherwise, by who they are, not what they are. I am not interested in the broader picture. And picking sides is the same as painting either side with one color."

Fenris considered her words for a moment. He wanted to cut her off and retort when she started to defend the circle mages. He caught himself stopping himself. That was a bad sign. But he put it down to the fact that for once he didn't want to argue. He suspected Hawke didn't either.

"I see" Hawke raised her eyebrow. Looking a little confused by the lack of reaction to her statement. But didn't say anything more, If he wasn't going to press the topic then she wasn't going to talk about the 'plight of mages' anymore.

Fenris noticed her move over to her usual seat next to him by the bench they used for reading lessons. Hawke looked at him with expectant eyes. Oh, right. He thought, reading lessons. When she had gone off on a tangent he completely forgot why she was here in the first place. Pondering about this now, he realized once they started the reading lessons she came to his mansion almost everyday. Not that he minded at all, but if he was going to keep his distance from her he needed to limit their time alone. He felt bitter for having to do it. He he didn't want to make things more awkward with her. He very much enjoyed her company.

Fenris approached with the book she had given him. Realizing he hadn't given her an answer to her request.

"I am comfortable resuming our lessons Hawke I have been eager to read new material." Hawke beamed at him. He knew this was a bad idea. Her presence was enough to make his whole body ache and her proximity would need to be close to help him with the words he didn't understand. His mind was already starting to storm...But Hawke actually smiled for the first time in who knows how long. A genuine smile. **H****e** had made her smile, and that sent the feeling of pride surging through his chest. He couldn't say no to her.

Hawke opened the book and patted his seat. He approached his seat and sat down wearily. She leaned forward and looked at the first page of the story, a lock of hair fell in her eyes. Fenris had to resist this ridiculous urge to tuck it behind her ear. Doomed he was, completely and utterly doomed.

As they read, Hawke remained a respectful distance away from him. She was close but not like she was before. She did say she would give him space. For the most part she leaned her hand on her chin and watched him read. When he inquired on the pronunciation of a word she leaned in closer, but didn't touch him. Though that did little for his mind, already straining not to be distracted by the floral scent of her hair or her soft soothing voice speaking to him.

After about an hour of reading he grew more accustomed to her presence. She must have noticed that he was feeling tense. Because she started talking to him in between reading. Making him more at ease. They spent a few hours reading. Hawke occasionally side tracked him with a story whenever his reading triggered a memory.

"You have improved quite a lot. You **have **been practicing" Hawke told him softly. With a half grin on her face. He didn't say it, but she knew he loved it when she praised him. Though it wasn't untrue. He really was getting the hang of this. She didn't doubt his ability, he is very intelligent. It made her kind of sad that soon she wouldn't need to give him lessons any more. She wouldn't have an excuse to visit him, other than taking him on missions. Maker knew she could listen to his voice all day. Inwardly she was loosing her mind though. Touching him was something she was actively trying not to do. And it was something she really, really wanted to do right now. Her self control was nothing but legendary.

By the time they finished his lesson, it was mid day. She knew she had some errands to run, she needed to go see Varric, Evaine hadn't seen him since he came to pay his respects to her. She received condolences from everyone and she was sure they didn't realize that she was out of her house and moving around. She needed to see everyone today to reassure them that she was going to be ok. Four days of leave, to grieve the loss of her mother. How she missed her...But after spending time with Fenris she realized that she needed to stop wallowing in self pity and pack away her grief for when she was alone. She was needed by her friends and the people of the city. She turned to Fenris as she got up from her chair.

"Will you be free later on tonight?" Fenris nodded.

"We may have a job to go to tonight, I will check my messages and Varric. I will be by later if you want to go."Fenris gave her a half smile. She was always so considerate, she always gave him the choice to not come. Even though she probably knew, or had a fair idea that he would always follow her. Wherever she might go. He liked to be useful, and...he wanted to protect her.

"I would like that, I will be here Hawke." She smiled at him again. She left his mansion and made her way to the Hanged man. Varric will be able to fill her in on what might be happening around the city at the moment. Once she caught up with the dwarf she would return to her mansion. If she knew this city, and she did. There was probably a mountain of messages on her desk. After all Crisis never took a break in this city.


	7. Chapter 7

**Writers block is the bane of my existence!** Just saying. Thanks so much for your follows and favorites you guys are **Awesome. **

**This is more of a transition chapter to the story. **I will be wrapping up this story in the next few chapters so stay tuned. I decided I will press on through my block and complete this story.

There's nothing worse than getting into a story and it never gets finished. So to my lovely readers. Enjoy!

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Hawke had not intended on spending most of the afternoon with Varric, but he had a tendency to run away with her attention. Anders was there too, overly talkative for someone rather deep in thought lately. Was he trying to flirt with her? She was pretty sure he was, or maybe it was just her imagination or maybe he was trying to cheer her up? Now this was confusing. Didn't he already make it clear he wasn't interested in this sort of thing? She shook her inward questions away. She just nervously laughed it off and excused herself. When she finally managed to see everyone, she returned home, dreading the pile of correspondence that would be inevitably piled up on her desk.

To her surprise there was only one letter. Bodahn had told her she only received one letter today, and most of the requests received from people while she was in mourning, was taken care of by Aveline and the rest of her group. She smiled at that. She sure was grateful for her friends. She opened the letter and raised her eyebrows, when she realized it was from the Viscount.

Serah Evaine Hawke

Come speak to me- and only me-in my keep. It is a matter of utmost privacy and urgency, and I trust no one else.

Viscount Dumar

Oh this didn't sound good...She was going to have to hurry to go and see him. She looked out her window, it was still light, she could go see him and see what he wanted. Then if it was something she needed her companions for she would get them then. No need to drag them along if it was something over dramatized.

Unfortunately it was not. The Vicount's son had converted to the Qun, and Dumar wanted him back. She grimaced.

"Great...I get the job to antagonize the 8 foot tall, angry giant Military leader...This day couldn't get much better." She muttered to herself as she dragged her feet, exiting his office. It was time to round up the crew. She sighed heavily as she went to rally Anders, Fenris and Varric. She had no idea what was going to happen when she spoke to the Arishok. She brought Anders with as a precaution.

"Hawke, he will not let him go. You already know that right?" Fenris...again with the stating the obvious. She looked at him and smiled slightly.

"Yes I know, but I have to try and talk to him for the Viscount's sake...but...I have a bad feeling..." Hawke tried to ignore the dread she had started feeling from the moment the Viscount told her what the situation was. It was a feeling that felt very familiar. She looked back at her companions.

"It's the same feeling I got when the delegate went missing...I think we should hurry" She turned back and walked a little faster toward the docks.

When arriving to meet the Arishok, she paled when she found out Petrice was involved again...and apparently sent a correspondence using her name. Inwardly she knew she should have killed that pretensive, pompous twit when she first met her. Their discussion was short. She knew she had to make this fast...and hurry.

"Oh this is not going to end well I just know it" She said rather sharply as she exited the compound. Her companions didn't answer but their silence was all the agreement she needed.

Hawke's heart sank, when they found Saemus...dead, his throat slit. She was too late...again. She bit back her tears, they were quickly replaced with anger when she saw Petrice and a mob of her faithful subjects approach. She was talking mockingly with Hawke, acting like it was them who had done the deed. She heard Fenris unsheathe his sword. She could feel the anger rippling off him. It was the same feeling she was feeling. Nothing was going to stop her this time. Come Void or high water, this woman was going to die tonight.

They engaged the Zealots with little effort. Though with Anders there she could focus on offensive spells rather than healing. She was careful not to let her anger take over, her companions was all over the place. No need to accidentally melt someone. As a healer she had a healthy respect for life, and she avoided loss of life wherever she could. But most of these fanatics were beyond hope. Once done with combat, Grand Cleric Elthina showed up and Petrice made a half baked attempt at blaming them for Saemus's death.

Much to Hawke's surprise though, the Grand Cleric was no fool and reprimanded Petrice. The look on her face was priceless. Disappointed that she was interrupted from exacting vengeance in Seamus's name, she looked back at Petrice. As Hawke turned around a movement across the room caught her eye. The next thing she knew a Qunari archer pulled back an arrow and released it straight into Pertice's heart. The second arrow landed squarely between her eyes. Absently Hawke's lips curled into a satisfied smile. Just deserts...She quickly noticed it rectified her expression, realizing that was probably not healthy...

Hawke realized that the Viscount was going to be furious. She was glad she didn't have the job of breaking the news to him. But she did have the job of reminding him he had a city to run...As much as she tried, the Viscount was lost in his grief.

Hawke knew this building tension was going to break soon. And without the Viscount willing to run the city. Things were going to spiral into chaos soon. Something is going to break very soon.

* * *

Hawke was pissed, not only had she just had to deal with the Viscount and his dead son. Having the Viscount look at her with those accusing eyes. Asking her a million Questions. Why did you take so long? Why were you too late to save him? Why is my son dead? But now Isabella had just betrayed her. She was the reason the Qunari were here, and she stole the relic to save her own skin. Leaving a half assed note of apology for her to find. Hawke thought her and Isabella were friends, how naive she was. Hawke was furious. If she ever found that pirate she would incinerate her from the inside out...

She was now standing next to Aveline, in the Qunari compound. The Arishok was armed, and she was trying not to think about the fact that he could easily run her through without batting an eyelash. She stood in front of the Arishok spine rigid, showing no fear. Aveline was demanding that the criminals they were harboring be released, while the Arishok only wanted to know where the relic was. She was all too happy to tell him Isabella had taken it, and that she will find her. She tried to reason with the Arishok but was refused the criminals. She noticed all the Qunari were armed. Hawke realized it didn't matter what she said, it was too late, they were ready for violence.

"We didn't come equipped to indoctrinate" He had once told her, what a load of nug crap. She thought as she and Aveline dodged the spears being hurled at them. As soon as they were clear Aveline left to gather her guard, and Hawke rallied her companions. Evaine, Varric, Fenris and Anders were making their way through the city. Being stopped at every turn to be engaged by Qunari supporters. It continued like this until high town. Where they were making their way to the keep. They encountered First enchanter Orsino and Knight Commander Meredith on the way there.

Hawke would have been more nervous about the fact the Knight Commander knew her secret if it wasn't for the fact that she was now face to face with her Sister. She was so worried, and to her surprise she didn't seem to hold any grudge toward her for their mother's death. She just smiled brightly at her sister and gave her a big hug. Evaine was so relieved, that heavy weight that was threatening to crush her was lifted off her chest.

Looking at Hawke, Fenris felt a little smile grace his face. Bethany was her last remaining relative. And Hawke had just been re united, however briefly it would be with her. He saw life in her eyes as she embraced her sister. He was happy for her. She deserved some happiness. Even though her sister would go straight back to the circle once the conflict is finished. Fenris realized that just to see her was enough for Hawke. Their embrace was cut short when Orsino and Meridith were arguing who would lead. Again Hawke had to place herself in the middle and yell at them both for being idiots to argue at a time like this. Then she was put in charge. Fenris couldn't help but stifle a laugh, here was his Hawke in the grimmest of situations, berating these two grown adults like 2 bickering school children. The look on both their faces was priceless.

When they reached the keep, she had Orsino create a distraction while they slipped in. The scene they were met with was grim. The viscount had been murdered. Hawke looked at the head as it had rolled down the stairs. She closed her eyes, berating herself for always blaming herself for being too late. There was nothing she could do for the Viscount. At least now he would be at peace with his son at the Maker's side. They fought off the mob of the Arishok's Elite guard with little effort. Then the Arishok adressed Hawke as if no one else in the rooms existed.

"Parsherah, you are Basselit-An after all, few in this city commands such respect. So tell me Hawke, you know I am denied Parvollen until the tome of Koslun is found. How would you see this conflict resolved without it?" Just as she was about to answer she heard a commotion outside the room. Only to have her jaw drop when Isabella stepeed over a corpse with the tome she stole in her hands.

"I believe I can answer that..."

* * *

Hawke thought Isabella coming back would be a good thing, so why was she now about to duel this angry horned giant that duel wielded two handed weapons? She didn't know, everything happened so fast, all she knew was that If Isabella was going to be punished it would be by her, not by the Qunari. Now how would a mage duel someone they couldn't get near...She had a few spells she could use but for the most part she would have to keep her distance. She bowed her head and sighed, might as well get this over with...

As the Arishok attacked Hawke, Fenris was apprehensive. He wished he had taken her more seriously when she asked to spar against him all those months ago before all this chaos happened. She managed to dodge and roll out of the way before he could charge her or do any real damage. While he recovered she would fling a spell at him. It didn't seem to do a lot of damage though. She kept her distance and concentrated on her most powerful spells, he observed. He also noticed Isabella in the back swearing and being restrained by Anders. He wasn't sure if this duel could have been avoided if Isabella hadn't come back but at least she showed some kind of faith in Hawke. He would give her that much. He just hoped Hawke wouldn't make a mistake and end up skewered. The thought of her being hurt made his chest clench...No she would be ok, he had to believe in her.

Hawke avoided the Arishok's attacks wherever possible. She came to the conclusion that her longer range spells had little effect on him. They were too broad and didn't hit any of his vitals. She wasn't inflicting enough damage to even slow him down...Dammit, she knew what she would have to do, and she just hoped her companions were ready for it. She briefly glanced at Fenris first and then the rest of her companions and gave them a smile. Not one of them could fathom how much this was going to hurt. She waited for the Arishok to lunge at her again, but this time she didn't dodge. He ran her through with his sword and she yelled out in pain. She had to act fast. She gripped his hand and pulled the sword deeper in her. Pushing blood from her mouth, the Arishok had a victorious smile on his face. She fought too stay awake. She took two fingers and rested them on his chest above his heart. Not letting go of his hand. She pulled in the magic around her and used as much of her reserves as possible. The Air stilled and became heavy and charged.

"You should have left when you had the chance" she choked out and let a beam of lightning crackle through her fingers and tore straight through his chest leaving a hole where the giant's heart used to be. He slumped dead to the ground and she fell to her knees, the sword still lodged in her mid section. That last spell she cast sent her vision blurry and soon blackness took her, she could hear yelling and chaos around her. She couldn't hear for more than a few seconds before she passed out again.

* * *

"I don't care what you say I am not leaving until she wakes up." She heard a voice say she couldn't quite make out the other voice.

"It doesn't matter if I am here or at home, Varric I will still not sleep." She heard the same voice say, now recognizing that it was Fenris's voice.

"She is out of danger for now, he can stay if he wants." She heard Anders' voice.

"So glad I have your permission" Fenris snapped at Anders.

"Would you guys give it a rest..." Her voice croaked out. Their heads snapped to Hawke's bed where they saw her eyes narrowly opened, she slowly rubbed her face, and winced as the pain in her stomach shot out at the movement.

"Hey Hawke, good to see you among the living" Varric said with a grim look on his face. She noticed Anders coming over to check on her.

"You've been asleep for four days, we thought we had lost you..."Anders brushed her hair away from her face and checked her forehead.

"Your fever's broken too so you should be right as rain in no time...no moving around till that wound has closed properly ok?" She nodded, Anders had a forlorn look on his face, and looked so tired. And above all he looked relieved. Was she really that close to dying? She knew a wound like this would take a lot of skill to heal. Both Varric and Anders left the room and closed the door, leaving Fenris standing next to the door. He had bruises under his eyes and looked tired. The expression on his face was full of emotion, but she couldn't tell what exactly.

It came to her as a surprise when he walked over to her bed and knelt down too look at her. His eyes seemed conflicted. She was confused.

"Hawke, I...don't know what to say...or how to express how relieved I am you are awake." He looked away from her, it honestly looked like he was about to cry. She wanted to touch him, to comfort him. But she kept her distance, she would not take advantage of his emotional state again. She promised herself that. He leaned on the bed and looked at her again.

"I...please...promise me you won't ever do that to me again...I was...so very afraid you were going to die..." He ran his hands through his hair, avoiding her eyes. She saw a tear roll down his cheek, before he cold catch it she moved her hand to his face and brushed it away. Only slightly touching his skin. She returned her hand to her side. He met her eyes, obviously feeling very vulnerable.

"I am sorry Fenris, I didn't mean to scare you..."She really really wanted to hold him right now. She knew how rare this moment was. Fenris almost never showed outward emotion, apart from hostility. But she promised herself she wouldn't put herself out there like she did before. She would let him lead. That way she wouldn't screw up again. She tried to lighten the mood.

"I am ok now, but I give you my word I won't purposefully let an 8 foot Qunari run me through ever again, once was probably more than enough" She quirked her eyebrow showing him she was joking.

"Probably..." Was all he muttered back but she managed to lift his gaze and he had an amused look on his face. How was it that she was the patient, bed ridden from what had been a life threatening wound, yet she was making him feel better...She sighed wincing again from doing it too fast. She watched him leave her room giving her time to rest. She wished things were reconciled between them, all she wanted was his arms wrapped around her. Her uncertainty of what she meant to him was lessened. At least with the way he acted before she could safely assume that he cared enough to not want her to die...


	8. Chapter 8

Hya! Where to start? *Bows low* I'm really sorry I haven't updated in a while. Life and life and...more life happened. I know...stupid life. Anyways! This is a short update, but I promise I will post again soon. Anyone ever wonder what happens in the 3 years after the battle with the Arishok and when the trouble with mages start? I found it a little hard to imagine that NOTHING happened between Fenris and Hawke. So I decided to add it in my story. This is part one of my adaptation.

* * *

After the Qunari left for Parvollen, Hawke was able to recover in relative peace. Aveline had the whole group working jobs while Hawke was bed ridden. Aveline co-ordinated with the city guard and her team to keep crime under control. Isabella was one of the first to visit her after her last encounter with Fenris. Two days after she had woken up. The silence was strained. She was still angry at Isabella, for betraying her. But the show of good faith she displayed when she brought the Tome of Koslun back, had softened her ire and was willing to hear what the pirate had to say.

"It's completely unfair that you made me grow a conscience, Hawke..." Isabella was trying to lighten the mood, but Hawke wasn't going to let her worm out of this situation easily so she remained silent and just looked at her hands. A long moment passed.

"I thought I didn't have any other options...I was scared..." Hawke then looked up from her hands and gave her a hurt look.

"Did you really think I would have allowed Castillon to kill you? Under my nose? Was our friendship that shallow to you that you had so little faith in me?" Hawke looked away, out her window as Isabella fidgeted.

" Look I'm sorry alright, I should have trusted you more...You've always come through for everyone else. Hell you even defended me after I betrayed you...and got hurt because of me and...almost died...Agh...balls." She sounded frustrated. She wanted to say what she felt but she seemed clumsy when it came to delivering it. Hawke didn't want to drag this out, she had indulged enough in seeing Bela uncomfortable. That fact alone didn't happen very often.

"And what about now? Do you trust me?" Hawke wanted her to say it, so there was no assumptions about anything. Bela gave Hawke an incredulous look. As if to say, 'how could I not after what you did?'

"Yeah, I do. Can you...ever forgive me?" Hawke felt her heart soften, the pirate was sincere. Even though she now knew where she stood with Bela, she would have to do the same with her own feelings.

"You are already forgiven, I will give you a second chance..." Isabella smiled at her.

"I would like to think you wouldn't betray me a second time, so I will leave that part up to you. Second guessing everything you do, is something I don't have the energy for...Thank you for coming back Bela" Bela nodded and sat on the chair beside her bed. They shared a good hour of conversation, before Bela took her leave. Hawke felt like a weight had been lifted from her chest when her and Bela reconciled.

The next few days Varric came to visit. Bela being among the subjects he wanted to discuss with her.

"Don't get me wrong, I like Isabella fine, but why did you forgive her?" Hawke let out a long drawn out sigh, thinking over her reasons.

"I wanted to believe that our friendship meant more to her than a convenience when she came back.. She seemed sincere in her apology. And we will deal with Castillon when the time comes." Varric regarded her for a moment.

"And how can you be sure she won't just take off again when she feels her life is threatened?" Hawke looked at Varric, giving him a knowing smile.

"I don't, but checking up on her and treating her with mistrust seems counterproductive, if I wasn't capable of moving past her betrayal, I would just not have forgiven her and I would have told her to leave." Varric considered her words for a moment.

"Besides..." Her words pulling his attention back to her face. Her expression was serious.

"If she decides to betray me again...I will kill her myself" Varric thought it was fair enough, though had he been in the same position he didn't think he would be as lenient. But he trusted Hawke's judgment.

"I don't doubt that. How's that wound healing?" She smiled ruefully.

"Not as fast as I would like. It's boring being couped up at home...though Anders stops by frequently to check on me. Aveline brings me reports to read to keep me up to date with whats happening around me. Merril visits, but not very frequently, I would say she spends most of her time obsessing over that mirror of hers. It's nice to catch up with her when she does come see me though. What about you? How are things with you?" Varric grinned and tsked at her. Damn... he noticed she changed the subject.

"Wait a minute Hawke, You left someone out..." Hawke's smile disappeared. Her lips were pressed together in a thin line. She immediately felt drained.

"Well I can't talk about his visits, because he is yet to grace me with his presence." Varric's expression mirrored Hawke's.

"What?" She dropped her eyes and looked at her hands.

"I haven't seen him since the day I woke up. Our last meeting seemed pleasant enough. I can't imagine what I have done now..." She didn't want to show this face to anyone, this face that showed everything she used to hide behind her mask, but her injuries were taxing. She didn't have the strength to put on the brave face at the moment.

Varric saw only sadness and disappointment in her face. It was true that he hadn't seen the elf either. Aside from a couple missions with Aveline and the Elf barely ever came to the hanged man. But he thought he would at least show his face to Hawke once or twice. He observed her posture, and noticed the bruises under her eyes, and her eyes themselves were distant. She looked so tired.

"It's ok Varric. Don't worry about it..." She eyed him.

"You don't have to drag him here either" Varric looked disappointed. She smiled sadly at him, and then looked out the window.

"It wouldn't accomplish anything by forcing him to come. It would only alienate him more. Until he decides for himself that he wants to come see me it wouldn't mean anything. It's up to him what he wants to do now." Varric stood up and stretched.

"Well you never stop surprising me Hawke. Just when I thought you couldn't get any tougher. You go and say something like that. You are a good friend to me and there isn't anyone else I respect more than you Hawke, so just remember that me and Bianca have your back." It was true, he cared about her a great deal. But she was right, no good would come from forcing the elf into anything. He just wished Hawke didn't have to suffer while he took his sweet time.

Varric left Hawke's house after sharing a few stories he had been itching to tell her. Once he left her mansion he took a detour before returning to the Hanged man. He slowly walked past the decrepit mansion the elf inhabited. He looked up wondering if Fenris was home. He could see light flickering from one of the top windows of the mansion. The fire's lit...so he was home. Anger stirred in his belly, but he resisted the urge to barge in and yell at the elf.

"Make no mistake elf...I really will kill you, if you hurt her again..." He said to himself, before stalking away.


End file.
